4am

conversation set
in pale green sky
and deep blue hudson
tappan zee 4am
colors painted into
corners of morning

I told you
ya te dije

the dawn has arrived
ya esta amaneciendo

lover waits for me to speak

cantamelo amada mia
me encanta como luces
en mi mente a las cuatro
de la mañana
when there´s nothing to do
but think about the ones
you leave behind

muchacho
pero can't you be happy once
in a while?
you have a smile
for everyone except me
¿que justicia hay en eso?

no se, mi'ja.
I'm trying to be diligent
at my pensiveness
change my worldview to present tense
nunca es facil
nunca es facil

si si papi yo se
I know pero what the hell?
you don't even capitalize your poetry
no more
¿y eso?

perhaps I enjoy the anonymity
that it affords
perhaps I'm just lazy
about breathing and pausing
never crazy about holding on
to something I never had
in the first place

ay dios.
tu eres imposible, nene.

yeah. I know this.

there is no river
deep enough to hold what I'm feeling
but I try anyway.
these colors are too good
to keep from looking inside

cantamelo otra vez
dime de tus sueños
forgive this broken spanglish
and push back.

vaya.

I said.

what was I thinking?

se me fue de la mente.

damn yo
I hate when that happens.